Monkeys on my Bed

These little monkeys and I did not get along today.

They fought, constantly. They broke things, they didn't nap. They didn't listen the first, second, or third time.

I yelled more than I should. Dismissed them when they were simply trying to connect with me. Shuffled them to their rooms the moment we got home for an early and rushed bed time.

And now I sit here, as they are tucked into their beds and silent, staring at these pictures and missing them. Kicking myself for the moments I had an opportunity to teach, but let my temper or my impatience get the best of me.

And you know what? They will wake up tomorrow with smiles on their faces. They will greet me with kisses and "I love yous." They will make themselves breakfast and be patient with me while I peel myself from bed slowly.

They won't mention today. They will be the greatest example of grace, as they always are. And when I apologize for my grumpiness, they will offer hugs without judgement.

I missed opportunities to slow down and teach today, yet these little people never stop teaching me.

I am so thankful for them. Even in my frustration, they are answers to many prayers, the source of so much joy, and I am so proud of them, simply for who they are.

Notes for my Girl

All the fears I had about having a little girl, gone the moment your daddy placed you on my chest.

You are perfect for me. With all your sass and emotion, you're teaching me to be patient and gentle. To feel deeper than I've ever allowed myself before I met you. When I was younger, I was taught that crying was a sign of weakness. I was told that being over emotional would never get me anywhere. So I swung to the other end of the pendulum completely. It took me forever to look into your daddy's eyes when I was sad. I'd often let the tears fall in the shower so I could use "shampoo in my eyes" as an excuse. 

But then you showed up. 

You have this strength about you, even in moments of weakness. You have this wisdom that blows me away. You put your princesses in capes and love to paint butterflies on rocks. You are a girl. A strong girl. And your enthusiasm and emotions do not take away from who you are, they complete you. Just like you completed a part of me that I didn't know was missing anything. I love who you are, even though sometimes I get frustrated when I don't understand you.

Gosh, I am so lucky that you are mine.

Notes for my Boy

I hope there is never a day in your life where you don't feel like you are strong enough to lift a mountain, smart enough to defeat a ninja, and brave enough to fight a crocodile.

I hope you always get quiet when you see an ambulance and whisper a prayer for whoever might be inside. I hope you never stop laughing at your own jokes, and that vegetables are forever your favorite. I hope you always cheer on firefighters when their lit up truck zooms past us.

I hope that someday you'll run up to your wife, grab her face, look her in the eyes, and tell her she's "so pretty." I know from experience, it'll make her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.

I hope you keep defending your sister and fighting for her, even if you were fighting with her just moments before. That you keep that goofy proud smile when you beat others to the door and open it for them. That you continue to look at yourself in the mirror and admire how strong you are, even on the days that you don't feel it.

You sweet boy, deserve the world. Yet right now, you'd give it all up just to make another person smile. Stay humble. Stay confident. Stay empathetic. Stay silly.

Be you, and always be proud of who you are.

Summer Vacation 2017

I started this photography journey with the hopes of capturing my children as they grow. It's become a difficult balance, now that photography is also my job. To be both present for them, but also capture moments that I want to freeze in time forever.

I went back and forth the week before as to whether or not I wanted to bring my camera with us on our trip. I was so excited to unplug for a week and give my family all of my attention. I had even considered having a photographer friend of mine come and capture a full day for us, just so I wouldn't have to. But in the end, my husband reminded me that taking pictures of the kids would actually end up being restful for me. And would help re-ground me before I jumped into a full Fall season. 

And he was totally right. I am so glad that I brought my camera along. I would snap a few shots here and there, and then away it went so that I could spend the rest of the time with my kids. These are some of my favorite pictures of them ever. Likely because they are unposed and completely raw, and just them being kids.